Oct 8, 2014 | trying to raise humans
We were wandering around Cost Plus World Market on Saturday because we happened to be in the area.
If you’ve never been, it’s an import store…kind of like a more affordable / cooler Pier 1? Hmmmm… I don’t know if that’s the best way to describe it. Regardless, it’s pretty fun to stop in every once in a while and wander around.
They have a nice wine selection, which is flanked by a rack of clever party napkins. These were a hit with the kids as I stood nearby and looked at wine, and Kenny stood nearby and looked at his phone.
Gavin thought the “Mama needs some wine” napkins were hilarious, particularly because I was actually looking at wine at the very moment he spotted them.
Grace started giggling along with the rest of us. Then she quickly stopped and furrowed her brow. Our early reader was trying to figure out the one word on the napkin she didn’t know: wine. She said, “Wait. What do they say again? Mama needs some weenie?”
Um, no.
That’s not what they say at all.
And if they did, we’d probably find them at like Spencer’s Gifts, not World Market!
Dear heavens.
Kenny and I exchanged horrified looks as she repeated her question again. And because we’re pretty immature, we couldn’t hold in our building amusement and burst into hysterics. Both of us – even Kenny, who usually keeps his cool – especially when it comes to those type of jokes.
Unreal. Only Grace. 🙂
After calming down, I gently told her that “wine” is not a word you can sound out, but it’s sight word, and told her how to say it. She said, “Ohhhhhh. Now I get it!” and started laughing.
Oh my.
So glad the real funny moment was completely lost on both of them. Hahaha. 😉
Sep 29, 2014 | moments & memories
Yay, this blog is three today!
I find that crazy. Mostly because that means in just a few short weeks, we will have lived here in Portland for THREE YEARS.
Wow.
I am sure I will blubber about the past three years in an upcoming Portland anniversary post, so let’s get back to celebrating going west coastal’s third birthday.
I thought it would be fun to dig into the archives and share the beginning. How this blog came to be. How we came to be Portlanders. It’s a fun – sometimes emotional, sometimes funny – walk down the Clark family memory lane. I started this blog as a fun way to document our move so our friends and family could follow along. It was sort of a written bridge to keep us connected. It’s grown since then – in readers and subject matter. I don’t write nearly as often as I intend to. I am trying to fix that. But the intention is still the same – to connect the people I know and love (and even those I don’t know and love who have taken an interest in my writing – haha!) with what’s happening with us out here on the West Coast. 🙂
Enjoy the crazy story of how we became Portlanders – click the links below!
Hi, Honey! What do you think about moving to Portland?
Finally, Some Details
And then there’s this house…
Sneaks aren’t for storage
For sale sign goes live
Someone, please love our house.
PHL>ORD>PHX>PDX
We’re home? We’re here? We’re here. It will be home later.
Home Shopping, Part 1
You Learn a Lot About Your Kids in 40 Hours in a Car Over Four Days
Pantry Surprise
Connecting the Dots
Shred
Paperwork Follies
Exuding Calm
Lists are your friend
The Packers (Not the Inventoriers) – Day 1 (Don’t miss – this one’s pretty hilarious)
The Packers – Day 2 (another funny one)
Moving Pictures (…the double meaning is not lost here!)
The Packers – Day 3. Final day…coupled with some police activity. (must read)
See You Soon! (grab some tissues)
Camping Out. Ok, ok. Camping In.
So long, Philadelphia; Hello, Portland!
Sep 4, 2014 | therapy fodder, trying to raise humans
Every school year, Kenny and I start out thinking, “This year’s gonna be different. We’re going to go for wholesome, healthy lunches and minimal junk.” (Ok, so it’s only our third year going to this rodeo, but still, that’s enough to try to successively better ourselves, right?) I imagine many parents think the same – no shortcuts, we’ll just prepare and try to be healthy, etc. Kind of like a New Year’s Resolution for School Lunches.
Also around this time of year, I get pangs of severe working mom guilt for some reason. I can’t volunteer at school as much as I probably should, and the Fall tends to be crazy-busy so we are running from thing to thing – seeing each other is a bit like strangers in the night who are on a strict schedule. So, I try to do things – like super-de-dooper healthy lunches – to let the kids know I am with them even when I am not. You know, the whole actions speak louder than words thing. Generally, though, these things phase out pretty quickly, and by June, I end up feeling super accomplished and happy that I at least got a few decent pictures on the first and last days of school between conference calls and that their homework / projects were mostly turned in on time.
My first attempt at doing something like this was last year when Grace started Kindergarten. During the first week of school, I Pinterested her PB&J sandwich – i.e., I cut it with a heart-shaped cookie cutter..so it was like a sweetly-shaped, home-made Uncrustable. I was bragging about my creative sandwich genius to Kenny that night at dinner when Grace chimed in, “Wait. I had a heart-shaped sandwich today?” Seriously? Seriously. And that was the end of that.
Still, this year, the working mom guilt sucked me back in and I got myself all crazy-headed about packing perfectly amazing kid lunches, and brought Kenny along for the mental ride.
So, last week, while Kenny was traveling, I prepared.
I got sprouted whole wheat bread, because all kids love that, and because I blissfully blocked it out of my mind that my kids barely tolerate sandwiches, let alone sandwiches on whole wheat bread, so sprouted whole wheat bread was sure to be a winner.
I made plans to pack carrot shreds and cucumber slices – organic, of course. I got some fresh fruit – organic Tuscan melon and a few organic apples.
I got some treats to go along side their sprouted whole wheat sandwiches – organic, of course.
I picked up some organic fruit / vegetable juice boxes from CostCo after the kids had a free sample and LOVED them.
I even looked up some creative lunch ideas, and got some silicone tubes that could, in theory, afford my kids frozen smoothies, apple sauce, fruit puree, and more – right in their lunch sack everyday.
But I forgot this is real life. And what looks good on the internet, is often almost always staged in the best possible circumstance in the best possible light. And I forgot that I am not really that mom, so while it looks awesome online, I was for sure, going to have some sort of issue in execution. And I also forgot that when it comes to packed lunches, our kids are practically rabbits – and only take a few nibbles of a few things and then house a big dinner. They cry lack of time to eat, but I think it’s limited time combined with a lack of interest in what’s packed combined with a heavy interest in chatting with friends.
And after a brief three-day run during the 2014-2015 school year, here we are, my friends. The end of the trying-too-hard lunches.
What did me in?
This.
Yea, no.
Oh, yes. That was a friggin’ peach smoothie that Gavin probably opened, looked at and shoved back in his lunch kit without properly closing the top, even though I reminded him to take care twice this morning.
It’s funny really. Because sane-school-lunch-Bridget thought to herself – you should put that tube in a plastic baggie to minimize the risk of a giant mess later today. Crazy-school-lunch-Bridget thought, nah! They are going to love these – they’ll be empty, so no worries. Sane-school-lunch-Bridget was 3/4 right. Grace ate most of her peach smoothie, so only some of it spilled in her lunch bag. Gavin was money – did exactly what sane-school-lunch-Bridget was trying to plan for. Opened it. Didn’t close it, so it melted all. over. everything. And because they don’t eat their lunches, I had to literally clean off an entire lunch (so I can re-use the snacks they didn’t eat – haha!) and some ice packs.
I will say that my patience for trying-too-hard school lunches was already running thin after the kids hated the melon they picked out at the store and ate all the apples within two days, leaving me with few fruit options for the balance of the week after a failed food store trip involving a forgotten wallet. Then, Gavin told me this morning that he wanted a different juice box because the new ones are weirdly shaped and he felt like everyone was staring at him when he was drinking it. Really. Like this was a real conversation that happened in my life today with my seven-year-old son. Self-conscious about juice boxes? Yep. Apparently. And, finally, since I am not sure if either of my kids have even eaten ANYTHING out of these lunches I tried so hard to make delicious … I feel kinda done. On day three of the school year.
If you’re in Portland, and your kids go to my school and you volunteer around lunch time – peek into the cafeteria from now on and rejoice in the fact that my kids’ lunches will be the worst ones in the cafeteria. They’ll be the ones “eating” Saltines, some grapes, maybe an applesauce, maybe some other kind of fruit and perhaps sucking down a water bottle, provided it’s the right shape. Or quite possibly, “eating” the same sandwich every day that week. Picture this on repeat every day until June.
If I think about this though, it could be a huge food bill saver, right? Like I can just make one sandwich per kid on Monday and pack some snacks, then send in the same things to sit in the lunch box day after day? Score. Our financial planner will be impressed with the savings.
P.S. If you’re the serious type, I am kidding. I will be sure to send fresh food. At least every other day. (Again, kidding.)
Happy start of school to all my fellow school lunch failures. I know you’re out there. I can’t be the only one. Haha.
Aug 6, 2014 | trying to raise humans
Ever have one of THOSE shopping trips with little ones? Where you know, just by the simple act of informing them you have to run an errand, you are doomed?
Yea, I had that trip to Target this afternoon.
I literally only needed handful of things, so I figured it’d be a quick in-and-out trip and I wouldn’t have to venture out after the kids were in bed and could, instead, relax. (And by relax, I mean finish up work. Haha.) I should have known that my selfish indulgence of tacking an errand on to the post-camp pick-up would bite me.
Seriously, I have been a mom for over seven years. I know better. Rookie mistake.
First, I was introduced to the terms ‘snart’ and ‘snoot’.
Not familiar? Become buddies with Gavin. He’ll teach you all kinds of inappropriately hilarious stuff.
We were motoring by the laundry detergent when Gavin stopped in his tracks, sneezed and gleefully cried, “Mom! I just snarted. ”
You can see where this is going, right?
I said, “What does ‘snarted’ mean?”
He said, “Oh – it’s a sneeze and a fart. When you do them together, it’s a snart.”
Now, none of this was in an inside voice. For some reason, and maybe it was just my interpretation based on the embarrassing subject matter he was conveying, it seemed like he was shouting. I caught a couple look at each and giggle as they walked by. Unfortunately, I chuckled as I tried to invoke my best – “shut it down now, buddy!” glare + furrowed brow. I punctuated this with a pretty feeble reminder that this wasn’t a nice subject to talk about in a public place. Or anywhere, really, but at least at home, he’s not spreading his Gavin-isms around for all to enjoy.
We kept going while I pondered if he made up “snart” or if it was actually a term people used and I am just clueless.
A few aisles later, Gavin declared, “Actually, Mom? I snooted. Not snarted. That’s when you toot and sneeze at the same time.” Ha. Great. I guess my admonishment was taken to mean that I didn’t like him using the word ‘fart’, so he softened it to ‘toot’. I would have felt slightly better, but he was still practically shouting in an ridiculously-crowded-for-5 p.m.-on-a-Wednesday Target.
A woman gave me sideways glance as she tried to skirt past us without making eye contact with the self-proclaimed Snooter and his mortified mother and giggling sister.
My kids mistakenly took the aisles for a WWE ring and my cart for a jungle gym.
Seriously – they were at camp ALL DAY. Did they not work any of this energy out while there? Wow. Just wow.
In between them asking me to buy them stuff at a thirty-second clip, I had to correct them no less than 10 times for physical offenses, and with each passing offense of Gavin picking Grace up and trying to twirl her, Gavin doing dance moves and taking up the whole aisle (like people literally had to stop their carts for him), Grace singing while hanging from the cart by one arm and looking up at the ceiling, them literally trying to pin each other’s arms behind their backs, etc., I could feel my tone sharpening. I started off doing the ‘lean in and politely remind them this behavior is inappropriate’ and escalated to snapping ‘GUYS. NO. You are too old to be acting like this.’ I caught one woman doing ‘big eyeballs’ at me, and simply by that one instance, I will assume that no less than 15 other shoppers judged me as a horrible mom who has no patience for her zestful children.
Grace capped off the trip with her signature move – a twenty minute stop in a public restroom.
Grace is a huge fan of public restrooms. Huge. Like there’s not one she won’t visit. Naturally, she suddenly had an emergency need after we checked out. Which meant that I had a cart of goods that were now technically mine, my purse and a seven-year-old boy who’s well into the territory where his presence in ladies’ rooms is no longer publicly accepted. I asked her if she could survive the 10 minute ride home. Naturally, the answer was no. So, off we went.
I set Gavin right outside the door and told him to watch our stuff and specifically my purse so I could get Grace set up. Grace promised she’d be quick. She wasn’t. She never is.
So I spent the next twenty minutes holding the ladies’ room door open for female patrons at the local Target. I am sure people didn’t find that creepy at all. The only thing I had going for me is that I wasn’t holding a tip jar.
During my stint as restroom greeter, a bald woman happened to pass through. Naturally, Gavin doesn’t miss a trick. And naturally, because he is in a shouting kind of mood today, he shouted (not two seconds after she passed by), “Mom – did you see that lady? She was bald. Wow. I have never seen a bald lady before. Only bald men.”
Awesome sauce.
Now I get to give my son an overly enunciated and loud acceptance lesson while I am holding the door to the ladies’ room, awkwardly smiling at people who are coming in and out (why the heck are so many people using this restroom – seriously!) and trying to explain away my creepiness with a “young daughter was inside and I didn’t want to leave my son in the hall by himself” story, and occasionally shouting to Grace that she needed to wrap it up.
“Yep, I saw that. Pretty neat, right? People can wear their hair however they want. Just like clothes. And shoes. And things like tattoos and earrings. It’s what makes them special and unique.” Love, Mom.
I finally reached my limit with Grace and the bathroom and made her come out. She sauntered over to the sink and started literally giving herself the equivalent of a sponge bath with the soap, water, and her hands. I made her rinse, picked her up without drying her hands and we were off.
Naturally, she was whining – loudly – that her hands were ‘so wet and it’s not fair that I didn’t get to use a paper towellllllllll.’
With the end in sight, I sweetly said,” Suck it up, sweetie. We’re done.”
I am quite sure there are going to be viral security videos of any / all of this on YouTube any moment now. Enjoy!
Jul 30, 2014 | moments & memories
I’ve been on the road for a week and half for work, and, today, on the morning where I finally get to go home, hug my family and sleep in my own bed (wooooo hoooooo!), I woke up feeling incredibly homesick.
I guess a week and a half away with no real family time is my breaking point :).
I just started packing my suitcase and opened one of the pouches. During the busy-ness of the past days flying back and forth across the country, I had forgotten that my sweet little Grace had packed me a blanket, a doll and some nail polish. (It’s really water in a play nail polish bottle. Still an improvement for my unmanicured hands – haha.)
I now remember the conversation she and I had during the few hours I had at home last Thursday between different legs of this trip. It was 9:30 at night (she wouldn’t sleep because she wanted to help me pack – haha) and she told me she was going to put a “few special things” in my bag so I wouldn’t miss my family so much when I was in l.os Angeles. I remember tousling her hair and distantly thanking her for doing so as I rushed around my bathroom re-packing toiletries that made a brief stop on our counter before being shoved back in a suitcase. She grinned proudly and went back to her room to gather the items. She silently slipped them in my suitcase without me seeing her, and hopped into my spot in bed to “warm it up for me”. (Personally, I like cool sheets, but love her kind little soul. 🙂 )
Seeing these items today as I packed up my hotel room made me giddy with excitement to go home. Funny how a Cabbage Patch doll can still make me giddy 30 or so years later, right?
