Annoying Planemates

February 18, 2012


One of the benefits (?!) of being on planes five out of six weeks is that you get to observe strange behavior by your fellow travelers. My apologies in advance to you if you exhibit any of these behaviors when flying. But you must know that they are socially unacceptable and really super annoying to everyone around you, so take note and promise to change. Haha.

Annoying Planemate #1: “I’m Tall So I Can’t Sit Down Dude”

I get it. You are tall. Planes don’t offer a lot of leg room. It makes sense to me that you have to get up and stretch your legs every once and a while. I am totally OK with that.

But really, is it fair for me to have your left thigh in my right eye for a healthy portion of the flight? You’re right. It wasn’t awkward at all when I smelled the fabric softener on your jeans as they shoved up my nostril when you slid aside for that lady to use the bathroom. Twice. Really, dude – sit down.

Oh yay! Here comes another not-as-tall dude. Sure, pull up a square foot of plane aisle. We’re having a blast back here. You are SO RIGHT. 19A IS the hottest chick on the plane. Mmmmhmm. That college football game was SO incredible. I am so glad I got to live through it vicariously through the two of you.

Legend! I got it! Why don’t both of you see if you can trade seats to SIT IN THE SAME ROW as the hottest chick on the plane a regale her with tales of your glory days and college football recaps. Byeeeeeee!

Annoying Planemate #2: “I Was Put On this Earth to Bore a Hole into Your Skull with My Eyes”

Stop staring. It’s insanely rude. And really, I am not that interesting. Not much to see here. Brown hair. Glasses. Black outfit. Quiet kids next to me. But you aren’t even looking at them. You are looking at me. Will you turn around if I rent you a digEplayer so you can stare at a movie instead of me? Deal. Here’s $15.

Annoying Planemate #3: “I Workout. Even On Planes.”

Why, yes. You are incredibly fit for a middle aged gal. However, we can clearly see that you’re in shape with our eyes. We do not need a demonstration of your workout. Lunge steps up and down the aisle. Fist pumps while doing so. (And not the Jersey Shore kind.) A healthy stretch at the beginning and end of each aisle aaaaaaaaaaand sit. Please. This is embarrassing for all of us. Especially me because I am trying my very hardest to a) keep from laughing out loud and b) shush my kids who are asking what you are doing in the typical pitch of pre-schoolers.

How about you? Have you come across any super annoying fellow travelers?

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