This is What Happens When I Try to Be Fancy

June 20, 2014

One of my friends let me in on a hot tip: you can reserve library books online and they will pull them for you and have them waiting for you to pick up. This may not be a hot tip to some, but to me it is a new, life-changing discovery. It’s probably been in existence since libraries have been around, but I don’t go to the library frequently enough to know all the ins and outs.

Recently, my kids have been into the library, so I have taken them a few times. However, I find that when we get to the library, it typically entails Grace begging me to get every crappy Barbie and Disney Princess book out there and us leaving with 50 books just so I can balance the whining with some solid reading material. (As I covered here, my beef with these is that they are terribly written.) I also feel like I have a hard(ish) time finding what I am looking for, so we wander and wander and wander. You can see why I kinda love the idea that I can pick books out online, drive to the library simply to pick them up, and later have two kids come home to a slew of fresh reading material without going through the whole “going to the library” process.

We are doing a ‘summer reading challenge’ in our family (and by family, I mean the kids) over the next few weeks, so I figured I would test out this “new” system out. I went online and reserved the books I wanted. I waited a few hours, then got a few emails telling me my selections were ready and waiting for me to pick up. I went to the library and picked them up – it took about 10 minutes tops from car to pick up to check out to car.


Except, apparently, you need to pay attention to some of the finer details when reserving your books.



Yea, that Madeline is in Spanish. While the kids do take Spanish in school, I am not sure the once-a-week classes bring them up to ‘reading level Spanish’. Yay, me!

And this:


Pretty sure that’s one of the world’s largest books right there. Seriously? Seriously. To give you perspective on just HOW big this book is – it’s sitting the passenger seat of my car. Pretty sure there was a seat belt requirement that I ignored for the drive home. Also, is the ‘big book’ sticker necessary? I mean isn’t it obvious?

Funny story about that giant book.

I had to pick up my library order in two stops. One yesterday, one today. No big deal because I am typically in the area every week day running errands and such.

Yesterday, I picked up my first batch and saw this thing with my name on it. Naturally, I chuckled to myself because a) it was HUGE! and b) I didn’t even know they made books in this size, let alone LOANED books this size. Who the heck knew book size was a factor when reserving books online? Here’s where it gets funny (funnier?) I was embarrassed by the size of this book, so I left it there. That’s right, I didn’t want to carry that giant book out of the library and into my house because I was embarrassed, so I simply left it by the bookshelf. That’s right – I didn’t turn it back in and say, “Oh never mind – I meant to order the normal size book, not the one that’s up for the Guinness Book of World Record’s Most Giant Book Ever Printed award.” I didn’t want my face attached to the small slip of paper that bore my name. I have no idea what my problem is – who cares, right? Apparently, I do!

Cue karma.

I got another email today telling me the rest of the books I reserved were ready for pick up. Forgetting about the giant pigeon book like every fiber of my being wished for yesterday afternoon, I stopped in the library on the way home from an appointment today. I headed over to the bookshelves to get my selections and I saw it. Still there. KARMA! Ugh. I tried to ignore it again.

So…I picked up my books from the shelf when a lovely, lovely librarian came over to see if I needed help. Crap. I thanked her and said I think I found what I needed. You know what she did next, right? YES. She picked up the giant pigeon book and said, “OH, sweetie! Don’t forget this one – looks like this one is yours, too.”

Face palm. “Oh, right! It does have my name on it. Thank you.”

I took it with me.

I had to.

Why wouldn’t I say I didn’t want it, that I wanted the normal size one? No idea. I couldn’t do it.

The only thing more hilarious than karma biting me in the behind was me trying to scan that thing on the self-service check out counter. And yes, I purposefully chose my scanner based on how many people would be able to see me checking this monstrosity out. I have issues. I know.

Right now? I am sitting here watching the clock and counting minutes until the kids come home. I am hoping their  laughs over the size of this thing will make my embarrassment worth it. Haha.

Later? I’ll have them read Madeline  to me in Spanish, followed by a lovely rendition of Don’t Let the Pigeon Drive the Bus! I assume they’ll have to stand and that it will take both of them to hold it. Dinner and a show! Lucky parents out here in Portland tonight. 🙂

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