I got to test out my freshly minted Oregon driver’s license when I was back home a few weeks ago.
I stopped at the liquor store on the way to my parents’ house one night.
I got carded. Since I am closer to 40 than 30, this was very exciting. Until it wasn’t.
I handed the gal my license.
She goes: “OMG! Where are you FROM?”
Well, since it says OREGON in giant blue letters across the top, I’m gonna go with that: “Oregon.”
She said: “Wow, that’s far.”
Mmmhmm. It sure is.
She then said: “Sorry. This is expired.”
I laughed and said, “Well, I just got it in the mail last weekend AND the TSA let me board the plane to get here, so it should be fine.”
She stared at my license as if she was examining a newly discovered life form and she was trying to memorize all its features for cataloging back at the lab. I am sure I was only standing there for an awkward two minutes, but due to her intense scrutiny and the fact that my freaking weight is printed on this thing along side of my ugliest license picture ever, it felt like an entire lifetime.
She said, “No, it’s definitely expired.”
I said, “That’s definitely impossible. I literally just got it in the mail after passing my written test a few weeks ago. And I used it to board my plane on Tuesday. They wouldn’t have let me on the plane if it was expired.”
More scrutiny.
Finally, she said: “OOOOOOOH! It was ISSUED on FEBRUARY 12, 2013, not expired then.” Ta da! She then proceeded to tell me that it doesn’t expire until 2021. This was news to me because when it came I just shoved it in my wallet in an attempt to not scar my self confidence further with the atrocity of that picture.
DEAR HEAVENS.
I have to live with this picture for EIGHT YEARS? EIGHT YEARS?
It’s an ugly picture. I know everyone hates their license picture, but this really IS my worst license picture to date, and it’s definitely in the running for one of my worst pictures ever. They make you take off your glasses and look at a tiny pinhole of light. Well, since I really can’t see without my glasses, and they made me smile, I look ridiculous. That is, I look overly happy for a gal with long witch hair and eyes that seem to be looking slightly in opposite directions.
Then, of course, since I was already wallowing in the sadness of having to look at this goofy picture frequently for the next eight years, I realized that when I get my new license, I will be in my mid-40s on the side that’s closer to 50. Wow. Good thing I was at the liquor store. Haha.
Trying to pull myself out my “I hate my new driver’s license!” rut, I came up with these positives:
- Less time at the DMV.
- Less money sent to the DMV.
- Plenty of time to change the number listed next to weight – haha!
- Plenty of time to plan to wear my contacts to hopefully correct my crazy eyes in the next picture.
- Plenty of time to cut off my witch hair (already done!) and grow it back in if I desire.
- Plenty of time to age so I stop getting carded and never have to experience the insanity in foreign-state liquor stores again.
Meh. Those only made me feel marginally better. I am adding “short license time” to the list of things I miss about Pennsylvania. Four years is nothin’!
