This Takes the Cake

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This morning started off being weird, as Kenny put it. He wasn’t wrong. Grace was feverish, I was kind of cranky, Gavin was slow to wake and get ready for school. I took Grace’s temperature before she left for school and it was running between 99.3 and 100.4, so I kept her home with me and sent the boys off for the day.

I set about my work day while Grace catnapped on the big chair / watched endless episodes of Doc McStuffins. At 10:30ish, I was making a cup of tea and went to check something on the patio while I waited. I swung open the door and stepped out while looking up.

Apparently that was a seriously bad move.

I mis-stepped and crashed to the ground.

I screamed.

Searing pain in my left ankle – on the outside.

And my right ankle on the inside.

Sh*t.

I went to stand up.

Nope. Not happening.

I sat there.

“Grace is inside. And I have to get back to work.”

Tried to stand up again. Yea, no.

So, I crawled.

Yes, folks, I FELL OUT THE BACK DOOR, HURT BOTH OF MY ANKLES TO THE POINT WHERE I COULDN’T STAND UP and HAD TO CRAWL BACK INTO MY HOUSE.

Hahaha. Scary at the time, funny in hindsight. Really funny.

Once inside the doorway, I sat up and closed the door. Tried to stand. Nope. Still not happening.

“What the h*ll am I going to do? I really CANNOT call Kenny and tell him he has to come home because I can’t walk.” Then I realized I couldn’t really call him anyway because all of the phones were in my office which is clear across the other side of the house.

So I crawled. Through my kitchen. Past sick Grace on the big chair. Past the steps, the hall closet, garage door, downstairs bathroom and into my office. (No, Grace didn’t notice any of this. I am not sure how, because a 36 year old mom who just fell out the back door crawling through a house isn’t necessarily the quietest / most graceful thing. I chalk it up to Doc McStuffins being a wonder show for young girls and between that and her fever, she was in a stuffed-animal-filled trance.) I hoisted myself into  my office chair and texted Kenny: “I think I broke my ankle.” Followed by: “I fell down the steps.” He replied 20 minutes later: “What is going on?!!??!??! Holy Toledo – are you ok?”

I told him I wasn’t sure and that my left ankle and right foot were killing me, and that I had to crawl to my office and hadn’t moved since, and that I’d keep him posted. As you’d imagine, he was stunned that I had to crawl to my office, and asked “How many steps? Just the bottom few?” and I let him know it was the one out back. I can only imagine what his face looked like as he typed: “The single step at the back door?”

Yes, that’s the one. The one step that leads into the back yard. I missed it and fell. See, folks? I told you I was clumsy. Hahahaha.

He next asked what I was doing out back. Really, now, honey, does that matter? I just told you I had to crawl to my office because both of the limbs I use to walk were not working. He replied that he just wanted the full story for the medical staff. Haha.

About an hour later, I could put pressure on both legs, but things were swelling – especially my left ankle. I was trying to make it through the night / see how I was in the morning, but between the pain and swelling, I made an appointment to get seen. Kenny met me there at 12:45, where he scooped up sick Grace and I went to get checked out.

Yea.

I went big.

Two sprains.

My right foot – first metatarsal sprain. 6-12 weeks to heal; athletic tape wrap for support.

My left ankle? Fifth metatarsal sprain. 6-12 weeks to heal. Ace bandage. Air / gel cast. X-rays to make sure the ligament didn’t pop off. (Pop off what, I don’t know. I guess the bone.) I had X-rays done at 3:45 and am waiting on the results. I am sure it’s just a regular sprain. If I did anything more serious just from falling out the back door, then I am simply done with walking. Really now. That would be ridiculous.

So, I am sitting in bed with sick Grace, elevating my ankles. Dear heavens. I am actually in a lot of pain. Sigh. The boys are at Monster Mash at Gavin’s school – but they hooked us up with a bottle of ice water before they left. Hahaha.  I am sad we had to miss it. But that gives Grace and I something to look forward to next year :).

The icing on the cake in all of this? The X-ray tech told me I need to be careful not to slip in the rainy weather. Sheesh. Dude, I know. I am not 96 with a broken hip. But I guess, in her defense, it’s pretty incredible that I managed to sprain both limbs at once! But it wasn’t even raining!!! Hahaha.

P.S. Kenny and I have plans for our first night out in Portland without the kids tomorrow night. Dinner with two other couples. I am sure they will be thrilled to hang out with Gimpy. I don’t expect them to ask us to hang again. Hahaha.

 

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  1. Lindsay

    OMG! I literally just read this with my hand over my mouth! That’s insane!! I like to see you don’t even try to lie i n these things and say “I just feel down a flight of stairs!”. You keep it at just the one step out back. You could say you were climbing a ladder to fetch a hurt raccoon in the rafters that must have gotten stuck in the grape vines outside when you heard Grace yelling in pain from her fever, turned slightly, and BAM!! But no, you keep it real, falling down the one step. Hope you get better faster then 6-12 weeks!!

    October 19th, 2012 // Reply
    • goingwestcoastal

      HAHAHAHAHAHA! Linds – that is hilarious. I love that. You can guest blog. LOL!

      October 19th, 2012 // Reply
  2. Sarge

    good one Lindsay !!

    October 19th, 2012 // Reply
  3. Anonymous

    Oh wow Bridget, I hope you heal quickly! As a fellow klutz I feel your pain! At least you’ll have a funny story to tell at dinner!

    October 20th, 2012 // Reply
  4. SB

    Dear heavens. If you would have told me all THAT in your IM about whether to call the doctor, I would have said to call right away!

    October 21st, 2012 // Reply
  5. Anonymous

    Your mother must be very worried about you and the family so far away. But wait a minute . She just called. Told me to read your blog. She is laughing and saying its as funny as hell. The nerve of some mothers. She loves you,

    January 3rd, 2013 // Reply

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