Uber for Dogs. Yea, It’s a thing. (I invented it.)

August 26, 2016

Since it’s #nationaldogday, I thought it was fitting to share the story of how Grace and I took Bob for a walk last weekend.

It was setting up to be a warm day, so, in an attempt to beat the heat, we headed out early.

Judging by preparations alone, this walk was gonna be epic. I mean, there was a lot of prep involved:

  • Grace brushed her hair (willingly and without me asking her!) AND brought her sunglasses with her.
  • I tried on two pairs of shorts and some workout capris to make sure I looked semi-decent for a walk around the neighborhood. Hey, there are some fancy places around here! I don’t want my workout garb to single-handedly bring down their housing values. And, let’s be honest, I am already walking a thin line with my typical skinny jeans and black tee uniform. I also brought my sunglasses and a bottle of icy cold water that we call could share. (And yea, you read that right. I tried on clothes for a mild workout. I have issues.)
  • Bob? He brought himself.

But he seemingly forgot to put on his walkin’ pants.

Apparently, Bob’s a lap around the block kinda dog. That’s his typical route. But given the amount of prep Grace and I put into this walk, and the fact that,  well, he’s a dog, and a playful young Golden at that, he should have realized we were going big: we were walking the route to the school trail and back. Granted, we were going to loop through the next neighborhood over, but still. It’s not that far.

Unless you’re Bob.

We got about 1/2 through the loop, and, well, he pooped out.

Literally laid on a freshly watered lawn and would. not. move.

I gave him water. He drank it.

I let him rest. Then tried to cajole him to move on. He was having none of it.

As you can tell by the cover pic, Grace couldn’t believe it.

I swear that sucker was laughing at me as he cooled his undercarriage on the freshly watered grass.

I gave him more water. He drank it. This time, he jumped up and started moving.

Until we got to the next freshly watered lawn. He sniffed it, nuzzled it to make sure it was good and wet, and laid back down. This time in the shade. Grace decided to join him.

Is he smart? Stubborn? A little OCD because we didn’t go the normal route?  Who knows. Probably a combo.

I let him stay there for 10 minutes or so…basically long enough that it was clear this dog was not walking no mo’.

As I stood in front of these sprawling single homes the next neighborhood over, watching my dog and my daughter hanging in the shade on a stranger’s lawn, I started cracking up as I realized what I was going to have to do.

Text Kenny.


“Hi – Bob won’t move off a lawn. Can you come pick us up?”

Him – “Seriously?”

Me – “Yep. Literally stood up and changed lawns…and now won’t get up. Again.”

Him – “I swear he just does this to push your buttons.”

Me – “Probably. Can you get us? We’re by the trail to school. New business for you –  uber for lazy dogs.”

Him – “Sure. Be right there.”

This explains a lot, really. I try to exercise. Try to instill healthy habits in my daughter. (Ok, semi-healthy. Let’s not forget that I tried on outfits to exercise for Christ’s sake.) Try to do right by my dog.

And I end up calling the freaking dog an uber for all intents and purposes, and hop in the front seat.

As for Bob?

He couldn’t have been happier. Kenny put him in the car, and when we got home, he bounded into the house, drank some water, hopped onto his bed and hung out in the air conditioning.

(For those who might be concerned – he was / is 100% fine…stubborn, but fine.)

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