One of the benefits (?!) of being on planes five out of six weeks is that you get to observe strange behavior by your fellow travelers. My apologies in advance to you if you exhibit any of these behaviors when flying. But you must know that they are socially unacceptable and really super annoying to everyone around you, so take note and promise to change. Haha.

Annoying Planemate #1: “I’m Tall So I Can’t Sit Down Dude”

I get it. You are tall. Planes don’t offer a lot of leg room. It makes sense to me that you have to get up and stretch your legs every once and a while. I am totally OK with that.

But really, is it fair for me to have your left thigh in my right eye for a healthy portion of the flight? You’re right. It wasn’t awkward at all when I smelled the fabric softener on your jeans as they shoved up my nostril when you slid aside for that lady to use the bathroom. Twice. Really, dude – sit down.

Oh yay! Here comes another not-as-tall dude. Sure, pull up a square foot of plane aisle. We’re having a blast back here. You are SO RIGHT. 19A IS the hottest chick on the plane. Mmmmhmm. That college football game was SO incredible. I am so glad I got to live through it vicariously through the two of you.

Legend! I got it! Why don’t both of you see if you can trade seats to SIT IN THE SAME ROW as the hottest chick on the plane a regale her with tales of your glory days and college football recaps. Byeeeeeee!

Annoying Planemate #2: “I Was Put On this Earth to Bore a Hole into Your Skull with My Eyes”

Stop staring. It’s insanely rude. And really, I am not that interesting. Not much to see here. Brown hair. Glasses. Black outfit. Quiet kids next to me. But you aren’t even looking at them. You are looking at me. Will you turn around if I rent you a digEplayer so you can stare at a movie instead of me? Deal. Here’s $15.

Annoying Planemate #3: “I Workout. Even On Planes.”

Why, yes. You are incredibly fit for a middle aged gal. However, we can clearly see that you’re in shape with our eyes. We do not need a demonstration of your workout. Lunge steps up and down the aisle. Fist pumps while doing so. (And not the Jersey Shore kind.) A healthy stretch at the beginning and end of each aisle aaaaaaaaaaand sit. Please. This is embarrassing for all of us. Especially me because I am trying my very hardest to a) keep from laughing out loud and b) shush my kids who are asking what you are doing in the typical pitch of pre-schoolers.

How about you? Have you come across any super annoying fellow travelers?

3 Replies to “Annoying Planemates

  1. I had an “out-of-body experience” during the second leg of my trip home from Orange County, CA three years ago. I must preface this story with a little background. It had been a stressful trip to CA for my brother’s wedding which involved traveling with my parents, who God love them are simply not travelers by any definition other than the two hour ride to the Jersey Shore.
    So flight #1 from Orange County to Denver was delightful. We had a pleasant crew and the flight was significantly underbooked, so room to spread out and relax — ahhhh!
    After a briefish layover, enough time to grab a quick bite and use restrooms, we were back at it standing in the preboarding lines that are customary for SW flights. I had paid the extra fee for priority boarding so as to accommodate my “world traveling” parents. Our boarding group was called and off we went to choose our seats.
    With our seats selected and our appropriately sized carry-on bags stowed in the overhead, we sat and watched as the plane filled up and then I spotted him, annoying traveler. He was not the last to board, but he was one of the last and he was the type who opened every closed overhead he passed along his route to finding a seat. He had a biggish suitcase, a laptop attaché, a briefcase, a magazine, and an assortment of electronic mobile devices and he picked the middle seat in the row in front of me.
    From the minute he selected the seat, he set out to inconvenience everyone within arm’s reach in all directions. There was a lot of commotion and then he set to the task of finding room for his luggage party in the overhead. The one over his row was jammed, but there was a slight give left in the overhead where I had placed my carry-on, a reusable Target shopping bag that contained souvenirs and some odds and ends. So it was upon seeing some space in said overhead that he decided to play Jenga with everyone’s belongings to fit his monster suit attaché, and brief cases. He yanked my bag by the handles and it started to tip over and before I knew it, I was standing on my seat engaging in the game of Jenga. I screamed at him and told him to wait and to stop shoving everyone’s belongings about the overhead. And then told him there was not enough room for his stuff. When I said what I needed to say, I sat back down and rebuckled my seatbelt. There! I looked across the aisle at my very stunned husband and then to my left to see my horrified but somewhat amused parents. I then looked at the flight attendant, who had witnessed the scene unfold, but had not intervened. From the smile on her face, I suspect that she was silently cheering for me, as she had been following behind him, closing each overhead that he had opened along the way.
    Sorry very long way to say, check your luggage and don’t be one of the last to board and expect that everyone should jump to fulfill your every need.

  2. Bridget, I know I already told you on FB, but this blog is best! Makes me laugh every time. Anyway, my mom got married in Jamaica last year and lets just say the plane ride down there was not exactly comfortable for me. Naturally, I gave Steph the window seat while I took the middle. Now, I love 2 year olds, but I do think kids of that age should have their own seat. So next to me in the cherished isle seat it a rather large woman with her 2 year old on her lap. They may as well have been sitting on my lap b/c her large bottom spread on to 1/2 of my seat and her “baby” was laying across her spread out onto my left leg. She wasn’t the friendliest either. It was the worst 3 hrs I’ve ever had on a plane. All I could think the whole time was…ONLY ME!! I’m glad to hear stuff like this happens to other people. Keep the stories coming, they are great!!

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